So for Christmas James got me a box of Ferrero Rocher Chocolates. I love these things and I can always count on my man to get me some for Christmas. I don't scoff them down in 1 day and that's not an easy task. I save them and they usually last until the end of January. Well I had 4 left and I was looking forward to those last 4 until my oh so wonderful, sweet, loving, devil spawn children got a hold of them! Now they didn't just find them and eat them. No they did something much much worse. Here is how it went:
I am sat on the floor changing Ryan's stankness and out walks Kevin in his little white grundy's and his hands cupping his junk. I think nothing of it, he is a boy after all, hands are always down in the pants digging for something. Anyways I finish up and wash my hands THAT'S when I notice it........MY CHOCOLATE BOX!!! I now look like a crazy person on my hands and knees looking for them and that's when I hear it. Kevin "shh hurry get up in my closet". Oh no you don't you little shit! Now right here comes the image of Miss Turnbull (ya know the child hater from Matilda) running like a bull in a china shop through the house up the stairs and into his room.
Me- "Hey Roni, are you OK? Whats wrong with your willy?"
Kevin- "uh nuffin"
Me- "are you sure hun, why do you have your hands on your stuff"
Kevin- "um cos it massive and I'm helping it" (OK helping it do what kid and massive..really? Your 3)
Me- "oh I see, Well its time to get in your Pj's so strip down boyo"
Kevin (insert nervous giggle) "oh momma don't be silly I don't need Pj's tonight"
(OK now I'm about to lose it here, my Chocolates are in danger!!)
Me- "drop them now or I'm going to cancel your Birthday and that includes Grandma & Grandpa coming" (hey I had no other choice. I really didn't!)
Kevin- "Ryan did it mummy, he put them in my undies. I don't know how they got in there but I didn't do it. I think Adam did it. Bella told him too"
Now I am usually a total witch for a mother but I just couldn't keep a straight face when he drops his undies and out rolls my 4 chocolates. I wanted to cry and laugh and beat the little shit but all I could do was stand with a half smile and my gob hanging on the floor.
As most of you know the Chocolates have wrappers on them but I still cant bring myself to eat them. they are sat on my table looking at me and I swear they are saying "its your sons junk you gave birth to him. Its OK come and eat us" But I cant I just cant...can I?
Well that's all for now. I'm going to put the devil spawns to bed and then catch up on my shows :)
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You NEVER, EVER mess with mummy's chocolate! When are they going to learn? UGH! I'm so sorry he touched your Prozac. UNCOOL, KID.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, Matt grabbed the Hershey's liquid chocolate off the counter today and squirted it all over himself trying to get it into his mouth, which he did at one point because it was sucked DRY. He pulled himself up on the counter from a dead hang to get the thing. I need stock in duct tape and padlocks.
Oh my gosh, how can you just not laugh! Love that kid's creativeness. Sorry about the chocolates though. Those are yummy and I would down them in one day. Oh the lack of self-control.
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