I have 3 boys all up for sale! 5yrs, almost 4 and 19months. They are the best boys ever......if your thing is explosive diapers, getting vommed on and back chatting!
Adam- He is the 5yr old. He is very polite when he isn't busy talking back with the "I'm awesome your old get the hell out of my hair" attitude that he has. He will clean is room.....after you have beaten the crap out of him and taken away any upcoming trips that he wants to go on.
Kevin- He is the almost 4yr old. He is super loving when he isn't shrieking cos the T.V turned on a second to late or the dog licked his big toe and not his little toe. He has this angelic little voice that you may get to hear once a month because he is usually whining.
Ryan- He is the 19month old. He is very smart. Though not smart enough to leave his diaper on so shit doesn't decorate his room. He loves the smell of his own arse I'm positive of that one. I mean he has to be right? He is the only kid I know that will crap all over himself (head to toe) his bed and the carpet and still sit and play like nothing has happened.
I will give you all 3 kids for a great price. They come with toys, furniture, clothes, diaper, wipes, car seats, stroller AND I will even give you $20 if you can get here in the next hour :)
Oh and if you like the word radical then you get an extra $10 (which I would put toward your therapy bill cos trust me your gonna need it after having my oh so wonderful, caring, stunning looking devil spawn children!!!
Now I'm going to open a bottle of bud (what its 2pm in England its totally OK!) and eat my ferrero rocher. (no not the ones shoved down my kids undies. The one's my wonderful friend Mayra got me)
If anyone needs me I will be checking into the looney bin in a couple hours. Feel free to come visit!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Boys are so......Ewwwwww!
So for Christmas James got me a box of Ferrero Rocher Chocolates. I love these things and I can always count on my man to get me some for Christmas. I don't scoff them down in 1 day and that's not an easy task. I save them and they usually last until the end of January. Well I had 4 left and I was looking forward to those last 4 until my oh so wonderful, sweet, loving, devil spawn children got a hold of them! Now they didn't just find them and eat them. No they did something much much worse. Here is how it went:
I am sat on the floor changing Ryan's stankness and out walks Kevin in his little white grundy's and his hands cupping his junk. I think nothing of it, he is a boy after all, hands are always down in the pants digging for something. Anyways I finish up and wash my hands THAT'S when I notice it........MY CHOCOLATE BOX!!! I now look like a crazy person on my hands and knees looking for them and that's when I hear it. Kevin "shh hurry get up in my closet". Oh no you don't you little shit! Now right here comes the image of Miss Turnbull (ya know the child hater from Matilda) running like a bull in a china shop through the house up the stairs and into his room.
Me- "Hey Roni, are you OK? Whats wrong with your willy?"
Kevin- "uh nuffin"
Me- "are you sure hun, why do you have your hands on your stuff"
Kevin- "um cos it massive and I'm helping it" (OK helping it do what kid and massive..really? Your 3)
Me- "oh I see, Well its time to get in your Pj's so strip down boyo"
Kevin (insert nervous giggle) "oh momma don't be silly I don't need Pj's tonight"
(OK now I'm about to lose it here, my Chocolates are in danger!!)
Me- "drop them now or I'm going to cancel your Birthday and that includes Grandma & Grandpa coming" (hey I had no other choice. I really didn't!)
Kevin- "Ryan did it mummy, he put them in my undies. I don't know how they got in there but I didn't do it. I think Adam did it. Bella told him too"
Now I am usually a total witch for a mother but I just couldn't keep a straight face when he drops his undies and out rolls my 4 chocolates. I wanted to cry and laugh and beat the little shit but all I could do was stand with a half smile and my gob hanging on the floor.
As most of you know the Chocolates have wrappers on them but I still cant bring myself to eat them. they are sat on my table looking at me and I swear they are saying "its your sons junk you gave birth to him. Its OK come and eat us" But I cant I just cant...can I?
Well that's all for now. I'm going to put the devil spawns to bed and then catch up on my shows :)
I am sat on the floor changing Ryan's stankness and out walks Kevin in his little white grundy's and his hands cupping his junk. I think nothing of it, he is a boy after all, hands are always down in the pants digging for something. Anyways I finish up and wash my hands THAT'S when I notice it........MY CHOCOLATE BOX!!! I now look like a crazy person on my hands and knees looking for them and that's when I hear it. Kevin "shh hurry get up in my closet". Oh no you don't you little shit! Now right here comes the image of Miss Turnbull (ya know the child hater from Matilda) running like a bull in a china shop through the house up the stairs and into his room.
Me- "Hey Roni, are you OK? Whats wrong with your willy?"
Kevin- "uh nuffin"
Me- "are you sure hun, why do you have your hands on your stuff"
Kevin- "um cos it massive and I'm helping it" (OK helping it do what kid and massive..really? Your 3)
Me- "oh I see, Well its time to get in your Pj's so strip down boyo"
Kevin (insert nervous giggle) "oh momma don't be silly I don't need Pj's tonight"
(OK now I'm about to lose it here, my Chocolates are in danger!!)
Me- "drop them now or I'm going to cancel your Birthday and that includes Grandma & Grandpa coming" (hey I had no other choice. I really didn't!)
Kevin- "Ryan did it mummy, he put them in my undies. I don't know how they got in there but I didn't do it. I think Adam did it. Bella told him too"
Now I am usually a total witch for a mother but I just couldn't keep a straight face when he drops his undies and out rolls my 4 chocolates. I wanted to cry and laugh and beat the little shit but all I could do was stand with a half smile and my gob hanging on the floor.
As most of you know the Chocolates have wrappers on them but I still cant bring myself to eat them. they are sat on my table looking at me and I swear they are saying "its your sons junk you gave birth to him. Its OK come and eat us" But I cant I just cant...can I?
Well that's all for now. I'm going to put the devil spawns to bed and then catch up on my shows :)
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