A Grumpy Mum's Day!

kids for sale!

2010-01-17T05:34:00.000-08:00

I have 3 boys all up for sale! 5yrs, almost 4 and 19months. They are the best boys ever......if your thing is explosive diapers, getting vommed on and back chatting!

Adam- He is the 5yr old. He is very polite when he isn't busy talking back with the "I'm awesome your old get the hell out of my hair" attitude that he has. He will clean is room.....after you have beaten the crap out of him and taken away any upcoming trips that he wants to go on.

Kevin- He is the almost 4yr old. He is super loving when he isn't shrieking cos the T.V turned on a second to late or the dog licked his big toe and not his little toe. He has this angelic little voice that you may get to hear once a month because he is usually whining.

Ryan- He is the 19month old. He is very smart. Though not smart enough to leave his diaper on so shit doesn't decorate his room. He loves the smell of his own arse I'm positive of that one. I mean he has to be right? He is the only kid I know that will crap all over himself (head to toe) his bed and the carpet and still sit and play like nothing has happened.

I will give you all 3 kids for a great price. They come with toys, furniture, clothes, diaper, wipes, car seats, stroller AND I will even give you $20 if you can get here in the next hour :)

Oh and if you like the word radical then you get an extra $10 (which I would put toward your therapy bill cos trust me your gonna need it after having my oh so wonderful, caring, stunning looking devil spawn children!!!

Now I'm going to open a bottle of bud (what its 2pm in England its totally OK!) and eat my ferrero rocher. (no not the ones shoved down my kids undies. The one's my wonderful friend Mayra got me)
If anyone needs me I will be checking into the looney bin in a couple hours. Feel free to come visit!

Boys are so......Ewwwwww!

2010-01-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

So for Christmas James got me a box of Ferrero Rocher Chocolates. I love these things and I can always count on my man to get me some for Christmas. I don't scoff them down in 1 day and that's not an easy task. I save them and they usually last until the end of January. Well I had 4 left and I was looking forward to those last 4 until my oh so wonderful, sweet, loving, devil spawn children got a hold of them! Now they didn't just find them and eat them. No they did something much much worse. Here is how it went:

I am sat on the floor changing Ryan's stankness and out walks Kevin in his little white grundy's and his hands cupping his junk. I think nothing of it, he is a boy after all, hands are always down in the pants digging for something. Anyways I finish up and wash my hands THAT'S when I notice it........MY CHOCOLATE BOX!!! I now look like a crazy person on my hands and knees looking for them and that's when I hear it. Kevin "shh hurry get up in my closet". Oh no you don't you little shit! Now right here comes the image of Miss Turnbull (ya know the child hater from Matilda) running like a bull in a china shop through the house up the stairs and into his room.

Me- "Hey Roni, are you OK? Whats wrong with your willy?"

Kevin- "uh nuffin"

Me- "are you sure hun, why do you have your hands on your stuff"

Kevin- "um cos it massive and I'm helping it" (OK helping it do what kid and massive..really? Your 3)

Me- "oh I see, Well its time to get in your Pj's so strip down boyo"

Kevin (insert nervous giggle) "oh momma don't be silly I don't need Pj's tonight"

(OK now I'm about to lose it here, my Chocolates are in danger!!)

Me- "drop them now or I'm going to cancel your Birthday and that includes Grandma & Grandpa coming" (hey I had no other choice. I really didn't!)

Kevin- "Ryan did it mummy, he put them in my undies. I don't know how they got in there but I didn't do it. I think Adam did it. Bella told him too"

Now I am usually a total witch for a mother but I just couldn't keep a straight face when he drops his undies and out rolls my 4 chocolates. I wanted to cry and laugh and beat the little shit but all I could do was stand with a half smile and my gob hanging on the floor.

As most of you know the Chocolates have wrappers on them but I still cant bring myself to eat them. they are sat on my table looking at me and I swear they are saying "its your sons junk you gave birth to him. Its OK come and eat us" But I cant I just cant...can I?

Well that's all for now. I'm going to put the devil spawns to bed and then catch up on my shows :)

Parental Advisory!!!

2009-07-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Good morning all! This will contain foul language so close the page now if you don't care to see it!

OK so yesterday was James's birthday. After an absolute shite day at work he came home to a little surprise from the kids. They wanted to do a cake & balloons and jump from behind the sofa and shout surprise. James knew about this as I needed him to come in the front door and also let me know when he was in the driveway so I could hide the kids. After the kids settled down, ate dinner and had baths we started to get ready for our date :)
Date night is something we look forward to and also something we don't do often as its usually our good friends Joe and Darik who watch the turds and we value our friendship with them so we try not to ask them to often. We don't want them to hate us and as my kids can be absolute shits this could happen.
Anyways after visiting with them for abit we head out to dinner. We take Anne Boleyn as she is much cooler to drive than the van ;) We crank up the music that we cant listen to when the kids are around and we sing our hearts out (well OK James sings I attempt it) We arrive at Panera bread for dinner. We were both in great moods by now....I mean who wouldn't be?....No kids, loud music and great company. We sat and ate, laughed at each other and talked about anything and everything BUT the kids. (we do love them very much but try to make it a point not to talk about them on our dates) After eating we head over to the movies which is something we both enjoy doing. We decided to go see Harry Potter and the half blood prince. We buy our tickets and settle into our seats. We sit and talk until the trailers come on which is when the fun begins......

Sat in front of us a little to my left are 3 adults and a little boy around the age of 4/5! I don't mind kids at the movie IF its a movie aimed towards a 4 or 5 year old and its during the day, I mean even them going to a 7pm showing I'm OK with IF its a kids movie. Yeah some of you may say well this is a kids movie but if you have seen any of the harry potter movies you will know that its not for a 4 year old!! OH and NO I am not calling any of you bad parents if you have let your 4 year old watch these movies,(I would hope if you have it was in your own home) some kids love them and can handle some of the scenes, my sister Lisa was one of these kids but my mum never dreamed of taking her to the movies to see it, it was always at home.
OK anyways back to the story.
This poor little boy was begging his mother before the movie had even started to go home "Mommy please take me home, I wanna go home mommy. Please mommy I just want to go home" the mother grabs the boy by his arm and says "NO sit down now, we are not going home, now eat your popcorn and be quiet". This struck a nerve with me....I leaned to James and said "that poor baby just wants to go home. What kind of dickhead parents are they". The movie starts and I'm TRYING to enjoy it but all I can see and hear is the poor kid getting in and out of his seat, asking to leave and getting told off which would set him off crying, he cryed quietly which was a plus. By 30Min's into the movie I could feel my blood starting to boil.....it wasn't really about him being at the movies or him being loud-ish it was that his fucking stupid arse parents made him watch it.....he didn't want to be there, he had made this clear by asking nicely for them to take him home. I understand them wanting to see a movie together and maybe they don't have a babysitter but you know what that's the fucking sacrifice you make when you choose to have kids!! Your life is no longer about YOU, its about caring for them and making sure THEY are OK.
I think for about 2hrs of the movie I was fighting with myself not to lean forward and smack the shit out of this woman. I couldn't look her way without seeing red and as for the father well what a bastard he was....laughing at his boy cos he told him he was scared. Im not the greatest mother and I shout and spank my kids but fuck me some people really should not be allowed to breed. There are so many people out there that would be amazing parents (yes I'm talking about you lovey) and it hurts me to know the struggle they go through but yet these sad twats who think its OK to get pissed off at there son cos he is sat scared watching a film he really doesn't want to see kills me!
Poor James could see me squirming in my seat and kept asking me if I was bored. I'm sorry honey. I really wasn't bored, I thought it was a good film and part of me wants to go see it again so I can watch it all without being so side tracked by the white trash cunts in front of us. I think next time (I hope there wont be a next time) that I may just get arrested for kidnapping and assault. I'm not sure I will be able to stop myself from leaning forward and telling her what a piece of worthless shit she is, grabbing the kid and walking out the movie after kicking her in the head. This may sound extreme to some of you but as you can see I a bit of a Natzi when it comes to what kinds of movies my kids watch and don't worry I would wait outside with the child, I wouldn't actually run away with him ;)
Ugh I'm sorry guys but I had to vent and yes I could have done it without swearing but then it really wouldn't be a blog from me :)

I think that's really all I have to say today. I'm waiting for the bug guys to come and then we are gonna go to Kamie's and let the boys run off some energy.

Hope you all have a good day!!!xxx

Kidnapped!!!

2009-07-14T04:19:00.000-07:00

Yup that's right people I'm getting kidnapped tonight at 6pm but SHHHHHH please don't tell anyone I don't know what I would do if they found me ;) LOL! OK so I'm not really getting kidnapped but I will be coming out of my hermit crab shell (James calls me a hermit crab) and going to dinner and bunco WITHOUT THE KIDS!!!! I'm not sure whats worse the fact that I'm counting down the minutes and its only 7:30am or that I wouldn't care if there were 50kids there just as long as they aren't mine. Only 10.5 hrs to go people!!

Today I will be going back to toys r us (someone shoot me please) I have to go get Kevin and James each a lunch bag and Kevin a school bag (he isn't going to school yet but I swear if i have to listen to him piss and moan cos Adam has one and he doesn't any longer he may not make it through the day).
Then I really should go to the labs and get my blood drawn......I think this will be put off another day or 8 as I really don't want to cram all the kids in the room whilst they run riot and someone is trying to stick needles in my arms, yeah now I have written that I don't think I will be going :)

Hmmm what else is new? I lost 3 more lbs so I'm now at a total loss of 18lbs, only 16lbs to go. I lost fast at first but now I'm slowing down, that's OK though as long as I'm not gaining I don't mind.
I do want to give a shout out to my cousin Lacey who has lost a whopping 8lbs on the "Leanna diet" way to go Lace!! Oh and the Leanna diet is what Lacey decided to call the diet we are on. LOL! Of all the things that could have been named after me I find it odd that its a diet. I much prefer the fatest fatty diet, LOL!

I think I woke up in the wrong house this morning cos my kids have been up for 1hr 45Min's and they haven't talked back to me, cryed or beat the crap out of each other. Its not right and way to quiet.....yeah yeah I know I should enjoy it while it last but that's just it I know it wont last and I recon they are saving it all for one massive meltdown at toys r us! I wonder if I can get away with having molly(my guard dog, all 3lbs of her) babysit the older 2 and just taking Ryan.
Speaking of Molly she is a very dangerous dog, so if you ever come over to mine just be warned now that when you walk in the door she will run at you run back to the sofa then lay on her back with one eye closed and one eye watching you until you rub her tummy. See I told you she is VERY VERY dangerous, LOL!

Well that's it I'm off to drink my slim fast and listen to some music.......ohhh maybe I will even do a load of laundry :) Hope you all have a good day! Kamie, Kathy see you in 10hrs and 2Min's!! LOL!

Mum's lost the plot!!

2009-07-13T04:46:00.000-07:00

No really I have.....OK so many of you might say I never really had it but I really think I have lost it!
I woke up this morning to Adam & Kevin giggling under my bed I made my typical grunt "yuk its 6am do I really have to get up" noise, rolled over only to roll onto the dog who yelped but quickly recovered to lick me to death. Anyways up I get, roll out of bed and head upstairs to get Ryan up and butt changed. After changing Ryan and letting him play for 5 Min's whilst I get some clothes for the kids I head back down stairs to start breakfast....half way down the stairs I step on something furry, crap myself cos I think I just crushed my dog for the second time in 20Min's and then off I go...thud thud thud thud thud (imagine Ryan's giggles and me shouting, ouch F**k, crap, ouch) Yes you guessed it, my spastic arse fell down the stairs with Ryan in my arms. Lucky for me and Ryan and my gracefulness I fell mostly on my arse and bounced down. Ryan thought it was fun but I however did not. I now have a bruised butt and my lower back feels like someone just took a bat to it and beat me up.
After sitting with ice on my tail bone and feeling sorry for myself I get up to make breakfast for the kidlets....into the kitchen I go, open the fridge pull out the milk and grab the cereal. I get spoons and bowls and set them on the side and go back to the fridge to get the milk! Yup that's right the milk AGAIN!! I stood there baffled I could have sworn I had a full carton of milk, where the hell did it go? I start to put the bowls and spoons away and make toast only to see that right next to the bread was the milk....I called myself a "bloody idiot" and tryed again to make cereal. What I didn't notice was Adam stood behind be who piped up with "Mum your not a bloody idiot. Your the most beautiful girl ever you have the nicest eyes". Awwwww he does love me ;) I gave him a hug and said "thanks bud", to which he said "your welcome, now stop being a bloody idiot and finish making my cereal cos I'm starving". Oh how you just love kids right! LOL!

I'm still hoping that my morning will get better but if the first 2 hrs are anything to go by then I'm screwed big time.....I'm going to meet the playgroup at a park today but I'm now wondering if its safe for me to get in the car, lol! I am not the worlds greatest driver so driving when my head is full of air is not a good idea. Oh well I guess that's what seat belts are for right :) Jk people don't start freaking out that I'm planning on crashing today...I'm just realistic and after my morning there is a high chance of it!!

James is getting me the membership to the Y on payday which will break up my days and give me 2hrs a day without the kids. (gotta love a place that has 2 free hours of childcare each day)
I'm looking forward to it. I enjoy going to the gym and swimming without the monkeys. They also have a splash zone and kiddie pool, so its something we can all do on a weekend together. I will let you know what I think after I have actually gone afew times :)

Other than that I really cant think of anything else right now. I'm sure after I adventure out of the house this morning I will have plenty to say though. Hope you all have a better day than I am having.

Hello

2009-07-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

So I finally got around to getting a new blog. Im not making any promises that this will get updated often but I guess I have to start somewhere.
For those of you who dont know, here is a run down of what has gone on the last few months. We moved from California to Georgia.......what fun that was, lol! Ok it wasn't that bad but im not going to be making that trip anytime soon I can promise you that much!!
We rented our friends house (thankyou Theresa & Josheph) which is right outside one of the gates so it doesnt take James long to get to work. Its a cute house in a great sub division. We have some super nice neighbours.....and some residents I dont like so much. (think huge bugs, snakes, lizards ect)
Alot of you have asked how do I like the south....hmmm well where should I start, lol! The people (most of them) are super friendly and unlike in CA they make the effort to talk to you. Now that been said there is a small matter of what I call Georgia slow ;) At first I didnt get how people could move soooo slow but now I get it, a little bit. Its soooo humid here.....I can handle the heat just fine....but the humidity is gonna kill me I swear it. Oh and then there is the bugs.....those of you who know me well know that I DO NOT DO BUGS! I hate them....I am the biggest sissy walking when it comes to bugs. They also think im the tastiest thing alive cos they bite the crap out of me even when im wearing bug spray. So yeah Im not a huge fan of the south...Im hoping it gets better once my friends arrive.
That really sums it up......I dont do much, unless Kamie invites me along to the park or playgroup. I stay inside with the kids, which drives James insane.....he says im a hermit crab. I just dont want to deal with the kids crap mixed in with the humid weather......it really doesnt make for a nice Leanna, lol! I mean really....my kids DO NOT listen at all, so any trip out with them alone will usually go something like this... Get us all fed, dressed...slap on the sun block and bug spray and then load into car. This is when the first melt down happens.....usually because Adam is looking at Kevin or Kevin touched Adam. Drive 20 + minutes to get where we are going. Once there I unload the kids and off we go.....this is when the second melt down starts....."mum what we doing, can we get this, can we go here" to which I reply my usual "we are going here, no you cant and no we cant". Now because they didnt get the answers they wanted they will start crying, 1 of them will be on the floor the other walking off in another direction and just for fun Ryan will set off crying. It gets worse from there and I usually end up shouting at the kids, dragging them to the car and going home more pissed off than when we first headed out. This is why I just stay at home all day. I would rather stay home and listen to them fight and moan than do it in a public place where everyone is looking.

Well I guess thats really it for now. Im off to make lunch for the kids and fold some laundry.

Oh and this blog im sure will be my venting place....I swear better than a sailor, so be warned this blog may contain foul language and all that jazz :)